Crazy Fantasy: Part 2-3

I suddenly awake as I feel Gen begin to shake and thrash in my arms. I hold her closer to me to try and stop the jerky movements as I realize she is still asleep. Running my hand along her forehead pushing her hair out of her face I hear her begin to cry out.

"Scott! No!!! Come back to me! Scott! Scott! Scott!"

The frantic cries surprise me and I feel waves of jealousy wash over me. Pushing them aside as best I can, I begin to whisper Gen's name softly, trying to gently pull her out of the nightmare that has her so terrified. Whether due to me or the end of the nightmare, Gen slowly stops thrashing for a moment, but sobs soon take over as she burrows into my chest, her tears soaking my shirt.

"Shh, Gen. I'm here. I'll always be here for you," I try to comfort.

Slowly, she calms down. Though still shaken, she dries her eyes with her sleeve and takes a deep breath.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I offer.

Slowly, Gen nods her head, but doesn't speak for another few minutes.

"It's been almost a year," she whispers several minutes after I spoke. I wait for her to continue, running my hand over her forehead and hair again. "I thought I'd stopped having those dreams, but they don't want to go away," she whispers.

When she doesn't speak for a few moments, I know she is reliving the nightmare.

"What happens?" I ask.

"It's the day Scott died," she says with such a pain I have no doubt that she still has a deep love for Scott.

The jealousy that had coursed through my veins when she was crying his name in her sleep is amazingly absent as I listen to her breath deeply, trying to keep from crying again. I wrap my arms as tightly as I can around her, trying to both share my love and comfort Gen.

"I used to have the dreams every night when it first happened," Gen starts to explain. "Did I ever tell you about them?"

I shake my head. Until I woke to her shaking in my arms, I'd never had any idea. I should have known, though. She lost her love in a horrid accident, right in front of her eyes. Of course she'd re-live it.

"It's exactly like it happened that day. We're out riding; his horse spooks; he falls and hits his head. Why didn't he wear his helmet that day? He was always so strict with me, making sure I wore mine, but he didn't. The world sort of tunnels as I see him fall. As if I knew he was going to be seriously hurt. Then everything goes silent as I scream his name. All I can think is that he is gone from me again. He's gone again," she shudders. "And the only way I'll see him again is in these damn nightmares."

"Oh, love," I whisper, holding her close. "Thank you. I know how much you treasure Scott's memory. Thank you for sharing this with me."

"Do you understand?" she asks.

"I don't know, but I'm trying," I admit.

"Thank you," she whispers. "Hold me?"

"As long as I can," I answer as she curls up against me; exhausted from the nightmare she falls asleep in minutes. I only wish I could do the same.

I repeatedly hear Gen calling Scott's name in the frantic litany of her nightmare. I wish I could have known him to appreciate the affect he had on the woman I love so much. She doesn't deserve the pain that she is suffering from his death. She certainly seems happier since we've gotten to know each other, and even she admits that it's because of me. I just fear causing her even a fraction as much pain as what I've seen her experience. And this is only a fraction of what she went through in the beginning. It has been ten months since Scott died. I know this is much better than it was last year.

My mind continues to pursue the topic far into the night, and I don't recall drifting off, but it must have happened. I don't wake up until far later in the day than I have in years.

* * *

I wake up to the sounds of the birds twittering softly in the warm embrace of my savior. I wonder if Wills even realizes how much of a blessing he has been for me? Last night was the first time in a good three weeks since I'd relived that day. I hope it didn't hurt Wills too much. I can't hope that it didn't affect him a little. I was calling out another man's name while asleep in his arms, I know that would hurt.

I can't beat myself up over this. Wills has to realize the torture I went through after Scott died. He may as well learn now rather than later. I'll just go back to sleep. It must still be early, I don't hear any…

That's Jon's voice.

"Let them sleep, Mary. Gen had a nightmare while I was on duty," he says some distance from our tent.

"Again?" the concern in Mary's voice is obvious. "I thought she'd stop having them."

"It was the first time in almost a month. I think it's understandable, though," Jon explains.

"The guilt," I can barely hear Mary say this, but it makes me think.

The guilt. Is that why I had the nightmare? Guilt? It could explain it. I'm not asleep in Scott's arms as it should have been. Is this how it should be now? I love Wills, I know I do. I've committed my life to him. To us. Are you happy for me, Scott?

NO. I will keep my promise. I won't second guess this relationship because Scott died. As much as I hate it, he's gone. I have someone new, someone just as special in my life. Someone I love in a much different way, but just as much.

I love you Wills.

With that peaceful thought I drift back to sleep and don't wake until the day is nearly half gone.

"Morning, beautiful," Wills whispers as I shift in his arms, slowly waking up.

I yawn in response. Wills laughs his wonderful, deep laugh.

"What time is it?" I ask, still half asleep.

Wills smiles, "Around eleven."

"What?" I ask in surprise.

"I know. We slept in quite late, didn't we?" Wills says with a smile.

"Are the others still here?"

"I've only heard the guys' voices so far."

"Jon knows I had the nightmare… and he told Mary," I think aloud. "They'll be asking me about it."

"Do you have them often?" Wills asks gently.

"I used to," I answer honestly, cuddling closer to his warm chest. "But they've been less and less frequent since I met you. I hate them but I love them… my last day with Scott. I wish they would stop, but I don't want to give that last bit of him up."

"I know," Wills whispers, holding me tight. "Harry still has dreams about Dad. At times I wish I had them."

"He's there with me, but he isn't. It's horrible," I say with a shiver. I look up at Wills and I can see the conflict in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Wills."

"Don't be," his voice is so gentle. "I know it'll take a long time for you to recover from the loss of Scott, if you ever can. But the love you show me is more than I could ever hope for from any woman. I've lost both my parents. I know how hard it is to leave someone you love in the past. I don't want to leave them behind. I don't expect you to do it, either. All I ask for is your love. And you have given that to me."

I smile up at him. "I don't want you to feel like you are replacing him. You aren't. This – us – is something so different. It's more than what I had with Scott," I say, trying to explain my feelings for Wills aloud. "Scott was my first love, and could have been my only love. But it was the innocent love of two high school kids." I turn my face towards Wills' chest, unable to continue for a moment, thoughts overwhelming me. Gathering my strength again, I look into his eyes. "We have both been through too much to ever have that sort of a relationship. We both know that there is more at stake when we fall in love than what Scott and I had any concept of. What we have is deeper, more. I love you, Wills. I love you in such a way that it scares me how deep it goes, and the hold I know you have on me. I don't want to loose you, Wills."

Wow. I didn't know I'd be able to voice that concern. It's my darkest worry, I know it. I love him so much; I don't think I could bear to loose him. Not after Scott. I know I could never love again.

Wills lifts my chin and looks into my teary eyes with such intense love I know that I don't have to worry about him rejecting me. He brushes his lips very lightly against mine in reassurance, and then says, "You don't ever have to worry about that. I plan on following in Gran's footsteps and live to see my Golden Jubilee, with you at my side. I love you too much to be separated from you for too long."

The tears that were brimming moments ago now roll down my cheeks in love and happiness. He is a silver tongued devil and prince charming wrapped up in one wonderful man that I love so much.

"Hey, don't cry," he whispers, afraid that he said something wrong.

Giggling slightly, I shake my head, "I love you. I love you so much."

Realizing that I was just being an emotional wreck, Wills holds me close in a hug, kissing any skin he can find, wiping away my tears as they still stream down my face. So happy to just be in his arms, I try to push the tears back so I can truly enjoy being in his arms, but can't seem to stop them. Laughing now, I say, "I can't stop crying!"

Wills laughs with me, raising my lips to his to share a passionate kiss, slowly distracting me from everything else, and when we separate the tears have stopped.

"I love you," Wills' husky voice whispers. Gently, he rolls me onto my stomach and begins to rub my shoulders, slowly working his way down my back, pulling the sleeping bag down as he goes. His hands feel so amazing as they work the tension the nightmare induced out, and all the weeks of riding. As he reaches the bottom of my shirt he begins to slip his hands under it, but pauses, "Do you mind, love?"

I smile at how cavalier he is, even in our tent. I shake my head and sigh as his warm hands make direct contact with my back.

* * *

Gen's soft skin feels amazing as I slowly give her the promised massage. Her back is in knots, no doubt from the weeks she spent in the saddle, and last night couldn't have helped much. But her trust in me is causing her to relax, making it easier to ease out the tension. I find a particularly stubborn knot and begin to work away at it, Gen gives a quiet cry as I press harder, and I ease the pressure slightly. "Are you alright, love?"

I can hear the smile in her voice as Gen answers, "I'm fine, you just found a good knot and surprised me. Keep working at it, please. I don't mind the pressure."

I lean over and kiss her neck softly as I begin to work at the knot again. Gen tenses at the pressure, but the feeling of me kissing along her neck relaxes her, and the knot quickly fades. I gradually work my way up her back, enjoying her soft skin under my hands, and the pleasant view as the old t-shirt she wore to bed rides up her back. She has such a beautiful figure. God, this is the first time I've gotten to see this much skin on her. Smiling at the thought, I whisper in her ear, "What do you think of going swimming today?" I want to see you in a bathing suit!

I know she's seen pictures of me at polo matches, she's joked about them once or twice. I really need to meet Laura and see this scrapbook that she's put together about me for Gen. Maybe she'll be good enough to do the same for me.

"That would be fun. I don't know where there's a lake around here, but I'm sure we could find one," she agrees. Turning slightly to face me, she begins to pull me towards her, "You do look amazing in a Speedo," she laughs. "Though I'm afraid the water may be a little cold and destroy the view."

She is naughty. I smile and pull her up against my chest. "I'd like to think you'll look quite nice in a bikini too. Unfortunately, I didn't bring a Speedo with me, just trunks."

"You like to take all the fun out of it, don't you?"

"I know how to keep up on the styles, and as great as the Speedo is for polo, it won't do too well on an American beach, or in the tabloids."

"I suppose," she agree.

"And some things only look good from a distance," I laugh.

Gen looks up at me with a devilish grin, "I don't know; that shot was pretty close."

"I really need to see this book of yours."

"You'll have to stay for a few extra days, then, so you can visit my parents' place."

I really wouldn't mind doing that. I really enjoy spending time with Gen's parents, and her sister. Dave has amazing woodsman skills, though Gen tells me he doesn't go hunting at all. That's where she gets her lack of patience, she claims. And Maureen has such a great sense of humor; she always has a smile on her face. Gen has told me about her lifelong battle with depression, which she finally got help for a few years ago, and how it has changed so much. I'm glad that she was able to get the help she needed, and that I have gotten to see her being this happy.

* * *

Continued.